The Carrot Patch

“Huge Profit”

 - to the tune of “White Christmas”

I’m dreaming of a huge profit
Just like the ones we used to know.
Where the owners applaud
and pundits feel awed
To hear our coffers overflow.

I’m dreaming of a huge profit
With every business plan I write.
May your sales continue on track
And may all your bottom lines be black!

“The Big Boss is Coming to Town”

 - to the tune of “Santa Claus is Coming to Town”

You’d better watch out
You’d better not cry
You’d better not pout
I’m telling you why
The big boss is coming to town

He’s making a list
And checking it twice
Gonna find out who’s beating our price
The big boss is coming to town

He knows which firms are sleeping
He knows those who’re awake
He knows who has a four year plan
So look out! don’t make a mistake!

Oh, you’d better watch out
You shouldn’t delay
He’s gunning for you
So get out of the way
The big boss is coming to town

“OC-3”

 - to the tune of “Jingle Bells”

OC-3, OC-3, OC all the way
Oh what fun / it is to send / light pulses every day — hey!
OC-3, OC-3, OC all the way
Oh what fun / it is to send / light pulses every day!

Dashing ’round the world
On a speedy glass lightwave
O’er the net it goes
Flashing all the way - blink blink blink!

Bits in light are sent
Movies and email
What fun it is to share ideas
With light that’s slightly stale!

O, OC-3, OC-3, OC all the way
Oh what fun / it is to send / light pulses every day — hey!
OC-3, OC-3, OC all the way
Oh what fun / it is to send / light pulses every day!

“Deck the Cubes”

 - to the tune of “Deck the Halls”

Deck the cubes with Cat 6 cable
A N S I 5
6 8
dash B

Terminate them to be stable
T 5 6 8 A
or 6
8 B

Improve the network using fibre
E I A
T I A
5 9 8

Just don’t set the walls on fire
approved by C S A
U L
C E

“We Wish you a Merry I.T.”

 - to the tune of “We Wish You a Merry Christmas”

We wish you a merry I.T.
We wish you a merry I.T.
We wish you a merry I.T.
And a happy P.V.!

Good tidings we bring to your design team
The software is perfect — it’s like a sweet dream

Now let’s pray that the V.O.
Now let's pray that the V.O.
Now let's pray that the V.O.
Will be a success.

Good tidings we bring from G.N.P.S.
No issues remain as you’ve cleaned up your mess!

We're ready to go G.A.
We're ready to go G.A.
We're ready to go G.A.
And then we get paid.

No more release calls to drive us insane
We’re finally finished — time to start once again!

We wish you a merry I.T.
We wish you a merry I.T.
We wish you a merry I.T.
And a happy P.V.!

“Joy!”

 - to the tune of “Joy to the World”

Joy to the staff! The cheques have come:
Let all receive their pay!
Let everyone / spend tidy sums
Now Santa’s on his way!
Now Santa’s on his way!
Now Santa, now Santa is on his way!

Joy to the boss! At end of year
The clients stop installs!
A pause from all we hear / that slowly drives us to tears
No more twice-daily calls!
No more twice-daily calls!
No more, no more twice-daily calls!

Joy to execs! They just can’t wait
To cash their bonus cheques!
Their egos they congratulate / by buying up a new estate
Or a mini-mall complex!
A mini-mall complex!
A mini, a mini - mall complex!

Joy to the Street! The stock has soared
With profits on the rise!
The owners who remained on board / can finally get their just reward
And stop asking if you want fries!
Stop asking if you want fries!
Stop asking, stop asking if you want fries!